Nourishment From the Inside Out
Just after my 50th birthday, in 2013, I received a powerful awakening in the form of a breast cancer diagnosis. It was through this journey that I gained a deeper understanding of the importance of balancing physical nourishment with emotional, mental, and spiritual nourishment.
I am in excellent health. I eat an organic, high-quality diet; exercise regularly; and at the time of the diagnosis, I lived in Maui, where the land, sea, and air are among the most nourishing on the planet. I have a loving and deeply satisfying marriage, and my household is harmonious. And yet, something was still out of balance enough to draw breast cancer into my experience. I was well aware of what it was, yet unable to shift it effectively before my powerful wake up call.
Perhaps you will recognize my quandary. I had a huge drive and passion to be in service to the planet. I was working way too many hours for way too little compensation. I felt I had to do it all myself, to wear every hat in my business… in part due to financial constraints, but mostly because of a driving perfectionism and an obsession with control. I kept pushing and pushing, trying to make things happen and going nowhere.
During this time, I was aware of my imbalance and did everything I could think of to correct it, including some very deep shadow work. Nothing worked. I could see my behavior, but I could not change it. Then I received my cancer diagnosis, and I actually found myself grateful and relieved! I was able to bring my working life to a stop fairly quickly and turn my attention first to healing myself, and then to recreating my livelihood to be in balance and harmony with my otherwise peaceful and contented existence.
As I turned my attention to healing and recovery, radiant, radical self-care became my top priority. As I continued to nourish my body, I opened to receiving nurturing and care from others. I applied my immense energy and powerful will to healing my body and spirit, fueled by a strong desire to live, and to live a high quality life. I have allowed myself gentle time and space in which to integrate the cancer journey, which took place at top speed (diagnosis to cancer-free in less than 3 months with no chemo or radiation). I continue to ask myself every day what inspires me… because as I am inspired, I am nourished.
Each day now, I tune in to that moment by moment inner guidance that will take me down the path of inspiration, optimum health, satisfaction, and the true abundance that comes from overflowing self love and self care. I fill myself up first, knowing that when I am nourished and filled, I truly have something to give to others.
My focus is on my heart now, in the aftermath of breast cancer, asking my heart what it needs to release the pain and wounding of the past so it can open into a deeper connection with the heart of humanity and our precious planet. I see this as the deepest nourishment of all, the recognizing and dissolving of all that is not like love within myself. As those barriers to love and connection dissolve, I can be present with the subtle, emerging passion that will guide me into my perfect livelihood. I trust that as that unfolds, I will step into it with graceful ease and flow.
[update] It's 2021 now, and I'm nearing 8 years of being cancer-free. My livelihood has re-emerged as a global vision filled with passion and vitality. I visioned and created The Sacred Feminine Mystery School® and am bringing high-integrity sexual healing and awakening to womxn. I am filled with gratitude!